In grade three, go around the school showing other kids a frog that has just turned from a tadpole. Talk in front of the class with outstanding primary school confidence and clear, concise words. Be casual in the execution of your speech. Be the centre of attention, as you always will be.
In grade four, be the unloved chubby kid. Pass out cooties that I secretly keep. Have your nerdy friends and your cool friends. Be a troublemaker, but the teacher loves you. Ask me if I like you; I didn't when you did. Be more popular than me, as you always will be.
In grade five, sit next to me. Annoy me until I want to hurt you. Let us catch each other's wandering eyes around the room. Your eyes will always be wandering. Like mine.
In grade six, be separated from me, and talk to me only after school. Say insensitive things and nothing important. Ask me for money and my mp3 player, return broke and my music broken. Hurt my feelings, as you always will.
In grade seven, meet a bunch of strange people on MSN through an employee in an ice-cream shop. Become a boyfriend to one of them. Tell me about her. Like you will always talk about girls.
In grade eight, get good marks but behave badly so the teachers get confused. Tell me you've been cutting yourself, and roll up your school pants to show me the scars. Act like you care, then act like you don't care at all. Because you never do.
In grade nine, sport an odd haircut and new friends and change. Buy a guitar and start a band. Have the grade seven and eight girls follow your every step, and be annoyed by them and hurt their feelings. Partake in school functions. Go to heavy metal concerts. Don't seek forgiveness from your parents, insult them. Remember that more people hate you than care for you.
In grade ten, spiral out of control. Sneak out a little more. Drink alcohol and start smoking pot with your friends. Forget about your parents and their strict lies. Don't go to school, and avoid those who knew you before this phase. Argue with your parents and walk out on them. See them once every couple of months.
In grade eleven, be drunk for days at a time. Get a hangover because you feel pain, but you can take it because you don't care. Sleep in someone's house where they can't find you. Get angelbites and tattoos on your arms and fuck whatever your parents said about that. Make the utopia the people in the bands you love live in. Throw yourself on the train tracks at your bullshit attempt at suicide. Survive, and keep playing music. Never worry about anything, because you'll never know that I still think about you everyday. But I don't care, I probably will never see you again.
I still respect. You live your life like you want to; and I don't mean that in a negative way. More than once I wished I could be more like you. I don't know if you've forgotten yourself and all this is just a facade, or if this is who you truly are, and really, you're the only judge of yourself. Of course I've told everyone I don't know you anymore, because I don't and because people wouldn't like it if I did.
They don't like dreams.
I'll always remember that sometimes when we're young we have it good, just so it could be bad for us when we grow older. It also happens in the reciprocal. When you have an awkward, bad time younger, we get "popular" in later life. I'm not saying that this is a clear-cut theory; it's just something in general I've noticed.
This is loosely based on someone I know. I wanted to add more details for effect but I don't want them to be known. Please, if you know who I am referring to, do not disclose that information. This post was more about the concept of change than slagging someone.
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